Survivor: Gabon Episode 1

The Fang tribe are idiots. Michelle was right on about them. If this tribe hadn't started to get their shit together by the second half of the episode, I was imagining them ranking right up there with the dumbest Survivor tribes ever.

What were they thinking voting Michelle off before dead-weight Gillian?? I took great satisfaction in seeing them pay for their stupidity during the next immunity challenge. All Gillian could do was struggle to keep up with the rest of the tribe, while the stronger members told her to get out of the way so other people could push the boulder. Michelle could have been one of the pushers.

Here's a Survivor tip for you morons on Fang Tribe... A dead-weight 60 year old woman will drag your team down much faster than a physically fit woman with a negative and possibly anti-social attitude. The key to the early game is winning challenges and keeping your tribe alive. We've repeatedly seen the winners of the show come from the tribe that tended to be the dominant tribe early on. That makes perfect sense too. If your tribe has the most members going into the merge, it's more likely you'll have the numbers to create or continue a winning alliance. The weaker tribe going into the merge tends to have their members picked off one by one.

First Tribal Council:

Who I "Voted" For: Gillian
My Reasoning: You have to keep your tribe physically competitive and strong early on. The vast majority of early challenges are almost entirely physical. Use this time to get rid of the dead-weight. Gillian was by far the weakest link, and the Fang Tribe were extremely stupid not to dispose of her at this time.

Who ACTUALLY Got Voted Off: Michelle
My Reaction: What the FUCK?! She was the first female castaway to reach the top of the hill during the first challenge, even beating out the supposed Olympic Gold Medalist. During the second challenge she never gave up, even when GC, the man they chose to be their "leader", sat there and rested. Apparently she was voted off for having a negative attitude that the rest of the tribe didn't like. Huge mistake.

The Consequences:
The very next immunity challenge, Gillian was unable to physically contribute. While she didn't directly bring the tribe down, having her out of the way effectively caused the Fang Tribe to be TWO members down on the Kota Tribe. Kota won the challenge by a small margin, and I wondered if having physically fit Michelle on the team rather than Gillian might have proved to be the difference between losing and winning.


Second Tribal Council:
Who I "Voted" For: Gillian
My Reasoning: Same as above. Dead-weight removal.

Who ACTUALLY Got Voted Off: Gillian
My Reaction: The Fang Tribe finally started coming to their senses. Perhaps it isn't too late for this tribe. Pfttt...

The Consequences: Yet to be seen. Should be a positive thing for the tribe.


Reasons to Keep Watching This Season:

1. To see if the Fang Tribe continues their self-destruction.
2. The Kota Tribe has a neat mix of people. Nice looking women, athletic men, and of course the mandatory gay guy.
3. Charlie the gay guy's potential train-wreck attraction to Marcus, who is straight. Disturbing as much as it could be interesting or amusing.


Reasons NOT to Keep Watching This Season:
1. Charlie's super gay voice and mannerisms really put me off.
2. After 17 seasons, all the challenges have a "been there, done that feel".
3. The infamous Survivor censor blur seems to get more ridiculous every season. It's one thing to have a blur over an obvious nipple slip, but it's another thing to blur things when there might be a few millimeters too much of untanned skin showing. I think they even blur potential camel-toes too, judging by one blur on Michelle.


Survivor is still the king of reality TV. It's always interesting to see how much my own opinions differ from the opinions and actions of the people in the show. I'm looking forward to the next episode mainly to see if the Fang Tribe continues to be a "loser" tribe. Have to admit that the fishing hook made from Randy's eyeglasses was pretty cool. Kudos to them for making that and actually catching fish with it.

Brothers in Arms: Hell's Highway Xbox 360 Review

Brothers in Arms: Hell's Highway Xbox 360 Review


Liked:

1. Graphics are good but nothing mind-blowing.

2. Sound effects are fantastic.

3. Gameplay is generally fun and enjoyable.

4. Action camera is fuckin' badass! I can't get enough of seeing enemies get their faces and limbs blown off.

5. Story is ok. Kind of like a poor man's Band of Brothers or Saving Private Ryan.

6. Most achievements you get simply by playing the game. Nothing wrong with rewarding players for playing your game.

7. Good voice acting and soundtrack.

8. Not one single word mentioned about the "Holocaust". Thank fucking God.


Disliked:

1. I can't stand Leggett. Always hated the mother-fucker and this game just makes me hate him more.

2. Textures sometimes take too long too load, and you end up looking at a very blandly rendered model. Particularly bad on the characters' faces during cut scenes.

3. Some gay glitches... Pathfinding is bad sometimes, and both enemies and friendlies get stuck on scenery or run around like a dog chasing its tail.

4. Too much of the emotional impact of the story relies on the player having played the previous two games.

5. Minor gripes: These are a bunch of little things that when added up made me take away a point from the game. I felt it would be unfair to remove a whole point for each one of these things.

Did the Germans run out of grenades by September, 1944? The enemy AI never uses grenades. (this could be a good thing too)

Speaking of the Germans, they are the typical Hollywood propaganda style Nazis who seem to enjoy shooting Dutch women for pleasure.

Some of the achievements are just plain crazy. Like the one where you have to play for 100 days straight, and the one where you have to remember to play it on Sept. 17 next year... Can't cheat with that one either, since you have to be signed into Xbox Live to get it.

Sometimes the cut scenes seem to just "jump" right into a completely different scene. A good transition or fade would have looked better and been smoother.

Sometimes your squaddies will "teleport" to you or in front of you rather than run. That looks really shitty and can sometimes get them killed if they happen to teleport out in front of the cover.

The game uses those "quick flash frames" to represent madness that so many games have started using ever since F.E.A.R. started it all... Enough already.

Finally, and I don't know if this is a bug, or just AI behavior, but often you can give your men orders and they won't follow them.


Yay: The action cam and the intensity and sound of the fighting definitely make this a great experience. +1

Gay: I'm getting tired of every WW2 FPS trying to be Band of Brothers or Saving Private Ryan. Enough with the sappy emotional stuff. Story and emotions can be good, but for fuck's sake all the kids are going to start thinking that World War 2 was fought by a bunch of Emos and the war started because Hitler threw people into Concentration Camps. -1

Final BS Rating: +3 HARDCORE

Notes:

I didn't even bother trying the multiplayer, it simply didn't interest me. This review only considers the single-player campaign.

Hakuna Matata (Afrika) Photos

Here's a few photos I took in Hakuna Matata (Afrika) on the PS3. Neat game.

Hilarious Wii Sports Parody Sketch

I saw this on Kotaku.com today. What a great sketch! If I had access to a hot chick, I would totally be making funny Wii vids like this! And if I had access to a hot chick who'd let me film her with her clothes off, I'd be making some super smokin' hot naked Wii videos of her! Now if you'll excuse me, the thought of that is making me want to go, um, play with my Wii....

I Saw Your Boobs and I Liked It

Katy Perry looks like she has some fantastic girly parts. God damn those patches! Hey Hugh Hefner, forget wanting to put Sarah Palin in Playboy, get Katy Perry instead!

Photo from Egotastic.

Hakuna Matata (Afrika) PS3 Review

Hakuna Matata (Afrika) PS3 Review

Note: I bought the Asian version of the game, and since I don't read or speak Japanese, I had to stumble my way through the game or find guides to use. It doesn't seem to take away too much from the gameplay experience, but I felt that should be noted. Also I have not played this game all the way through to completion.

Liked:

1. Very beautiful graphics and animations. They aren't quite photorealistic or jaw droppingly amazing, but they are VERY gorgeous. They do have a "wow" factor when you first start seeing them. The animal animations are the most eye-catching. You could very nearly imagine you were watching real animals sometimes.

2. Good soundtrack. The instrumental score is very nice, and reminds me of John Williams sometimes. Excellent stuff, although possibly somewhat repetitive.

3. Tons of animals. I think every African animal I could think of, plus many more are included in this game. All of them are done in great detail.

4. The National Geographic library has some really nice photos of the animals in it. It's a shame I couldn't read all the text.

5. You can export the photos that you take onto a memory card, and then transfer them to your PC. Unfortunately they only export as 672x448 pixel PNGs, so desktop wallpapers are out of the question.

6. There's several cameras and lenses to unlock, along with new areas with new animals. This kind of helps keep you playing. I think if everything was available from the start, it would get a little old pretty quickly.


Didn't Like:

1. Long load times in the beginning, plus a 2.5GB mandatory install. Also the save times are long, and the save game file is something like 378 megs.

2. If you get too close to an aggressive animal, it charges you and you black out and wake up back at base camp. That's fair enough, but you lose any shots you had taken before you got gored. THAT can SUCK.

3. There's no fast travel option for traveling to different areas, with the exception of the Base Camp after you gain control of the jeep. So that means everytime you go back to base, you have to spend part of your limited day manually driving back to the area you want to be in. I suppose it's realistic, but it's a bit annoying. Especially if you got gored by a buffalo a few times trying to get a great mug shot.

4. It does get a bit old going around photographing animals. It's fun to try and get cool shots of the animals, but the equipment you have even a few hours into the game is pretty shitty. I'll have to see if I have the patience to get deeper into the game and unlock better stuff.


Yay: The sheer beauty of the game, just needs to be experienced. It's definitely one of those "experience" type games. If the concept of the game appeals to you, it's worth a play. +1

Final BS Rating: +3 HARDCORE

True Blood and Heroes

I've totally gone off both True Blood and Heroes. I never really got into True Blood, and after episode 3 I decided to quit watching it. There was too much gayness in the episode and everytime Sookie or Bill open their mouths I feel like muting the volume. I couldn't stand Bill's "friends" who I'm sure he'll end up fighting against in future episodes.

I'm sick of the whole Anne Rice style vampires who when they aren't out feeding, mainly lounge around and have sex with any human they can find. Doesn't matter what gender they are, anything seems to do in this type of vampire world. Homosexuals and bisexuals seem to be disproportionately represented in this style of vampire. Clearly written by women, for women.


Heroes is a continuing disappointment. The first season was great. Couldn't wait for new episodes to hit. The second season went downhill fast, and thank goodness the writers' strike cut it short. Now having watched the first episode of season 3, it's time to kiss this sorry show goodbye. I don't think I've ever been this disappointed with a TV show.

The plotline is so convoluted that you need to devote time to reading websites that detail all the plots and characters to really have a clue what is going on. And I've seen every episode that's aired on TV, so I'm not even missing anything.

Characters die, or appear to die and then return more often than even in comic books. Definitely shitty writing to try and pull this "twist" as often as they have. It's ok maybe once, but pull that shit as much as they do, and people stop caring as much about the characters. "What, he died? Oh no worries he'll be back next episode, or maybe by the end of this one."

You lose some emotional attachment for a character if you feel like they can't really die for good. Through season one we worried if Sylar would actually kill Claire or some of the other Heroes. But now by season 3, we're so jaded that it doesn't even faze us if someone gets "killed". We also know who the big stars of the show are, so if one of their characters goes down, we automatically know they'll be back. And all of this fucking time travel bullshit has to fuckin' stop. (I'm talking about the "future characters" that pop in and out of the timeline, not Hiro's time traveling)

Meh, why even care anymore?

I've said it before, and I'll say it again... Can't wait for the new season of Dexter to start. Hopefully that doesn't go down the shitter as well.

True Blood: S1 E2 TV Review

True Blood: Season 1 Episode 2 Review

What I Liked:

1. A couple more interesting plot twists.

2. Anna Paquin looks nice in a bikini top and sun dress...

3. Boobs!


What I Didn't Like:

1. Like I predicted in my review of the first episode, we get to see the vampire Bill completely dominate the same two humans who so seemingly easily nearly killed him in the last ep. He kicks their asses so hard, and destroys their place so badly that the humans think a tornado killed them. Makes me roll my eyes at last week's plotline where Sookie has to rescue him. Weak writing in my opinion.

Final BS Rating: +2 PRETTY GOOD


Closing Statement: The show still only just barely holds my interest enough to keep watching until the next episode. The show is decent, but not great. Can't wait for the new season of Dexter to start...

Garfunkel Forza 2 Cars

I picked up Forza Motorsport 2 for the Xbox 360 about 3 weeks ago, so I'm very late to the Forza party. I created a few cars with a cartoon version of Garfunkel's face on them. They're pretty shitty, and the couple I tried to auction didn't even get a single bid, even at just 5000 credits.

I'm posting some screen grabs of a few of them here for anybody who likes my Garfunkel Youtube videos.

More of My Spore Creations

Here's some more Spore creations for anyone interested. A couple naughty ones, plus a few "serious" creations. I particularly like the air vehicle and Titzilla.

From the Top:
1. Heffalump
2. Horny Erectus
3. Titzilla
4. Death Bat
5. Land Shark


To use them in your game, just click on the images, download them, and then copy them into your "My Documents/My Spore Creations/Creatures" folder. (or into "Vehicles" for the vehicles. Should be obvious.)

My Spore Penis Monsters

Here's a few of my badass Spore penis monsters. And when I say badass, I mean they are shit. But hey, since Spore isn't very fun to actually play, and creating and sharing monsters is the most interesting thing to do, here ya go.

To add them to the game, simply download these PNG files, and put them in your
"My Documents/My Spore Creations/Creatures" folder. They'll show up in your Sporepedia and you might actually encounter them in your game. Have fun with my cock'n'balls!

From the top:
1. Cockasaurus Rex
2. DickaDactyl
3. ScrotumSaurus
4. Wang-a-Roo

EA Makes Some Good Ads

Despite a list of complaints I might have about EA, lately I've really enjoyed the ads that they have created and run. If you can amuse me with an ad, you're one step closer to getting my money for your game. EA's been doing a good job, and I think other companies need to take notice. The recent spots for Bad Company and Mercenaries 2 have been particularly good.

Antispore

Kotaku.com has an article today on a blog that is supposedly done by a religious zealot protesting against Spore and EA' so-called "war on creationism".

http://antispore.com/

Out of curiosity I had a look for myself. To me the blog is clearly a clever attempt to make some money using AdSense ads. You go to the site and the second thing you notice, (after the adult themed Spore pics and vids) is the massive amount of AdSense ads on the page. The author is just trying to cash in on the massive hype of Spore, and to get a bigger audience, added in the religious nut "controversy" stuff. It's clever, and if the guy makes a few bucks from it, more power to him.

UPDATE: I was right, the site turned out to be a joke, one big Rick Roll apparently. Probably scored the author a few cents for his AdSense in the process...

People are debating whether Spore is a game about Evolution or Intelligent Design. Shouldn't be any debate there. The creatures don't actually evolve, and the plethora of penis monsters and other shitty creations totally shoots down the idea that something could have "intelligently designed" actual real-life creatures....

True Blood: S1 E1 TV Review

True Blood: S1 E1 TV Review

What I Liked:

1. The cast was likeable enough, and they seemed to suit their roles pretty well. Anna Paquin is cute and sweet enough for me to like her in the main role.

2. The show has an interesting take on vampires, in that they have "come out of the coffin" publicly on TV and now live openly in human society. They drink a Japanese-invented synthetic blood. Silver also seems to work on them like Kryptonite does to Superman... Except they have to be in physical contact with it, rather than just near it.

3. Sookie Stackhouse (shame about the name) has the ability to hear the thoughts of people around her, and that could lead to some interesting moments.

4. Boobs!



What I Didn't Like:

1. The southern accents are terrible, and sound nothing like the accents that people really have in Louisiana. Sometimes you can catch Anna Paquin slipping back into her normal accent.

2. I hope the whole "Sookie rescues the vampire from the redneck vampire drainers" thing is just a very contrived plot device. Otherwise a lot of the vampires in this show are going to be pussy-ass nancy vamps kind of like in the Anne Rice stuff.... It just broke my entire image of vampires, when Bill couldn't fight off one man and one woman. Now if they show a vampire later on in the series absolutely kicking the crap out of a fit adult male or two, I'm going to roll my eyes and groan....

3. Only created just enough curiosity, hope, and interest for me to watch the next episode. Does every modern vampire now have to be emo? Or maybe not emo, but dark, brooding, and seemingly thinking that their whole existence sucks balls?


Final Badassian Scale Rating: +1 ALRIGHT

Closing Statement:

I have NOT read the books this show is based on. I know NOTHING about the books. This is based only on having watched this one episode....


No one has ever made a good vampire TV show. That's right Buffy and Angel fanboys and girls, go suck it. Heh heh, suck it? See what I did there? ZOMGLULZ.

I'm hoping this one gets better and becomes the first true good Vampire show. It already shits all over Buffy and Angel, (that means it is WAY better than Buffy and Angel, kids) so I have hope for it.

I'm just afraid that the vampires are going to end up being mainly sissy-boys except for maybe some 1 dimensional villain they might add in later.

Deadliest Catch: Alaskan Storm PC Review

Deadliest Catch: Alaskan Storm PC Review

What I Liked:

1. Pretty good simulation of crab fishing. (actually a bit more interesting than it probably sounds) You get to fish both for King Crab and Opilio Crab. As a fan of the show, I was really glad to be able to play a game where I could try my hand at crab fishing.

2. Good use of the TV show license, with actual music, people, boats etc from the TV show.

3. I liked the videos that pop up at key times. These are short and usually helpful vids with guys like Sig and Edgar Hansen giving advice or relating their own experiences.

4. It's a decent management game too. You have to balance crew members, bait, pots, profits, and especially time, to get the most out of the season.

5. You can customize one of the real-life boats, so you can feel like you have your own boat rather than playing with one of the real ones. Unfortunately customization is limited to paint job, cabin color, and boat name. I painted the Northwestern yellow and blue, and renamed it "Legendary". After each season, you can spend the money you earned buying upgrades for your boat. This kind of helps extend the replay value a bit.


What I Didn't Like:

1. The game runs at a whopping 5 frames per second on my PC. That's a consistent speed no matter if I neuter the graphics or run them at max. Makes it feel like the game is in slow motion.

2. The missions are extremely tedious and boring. If you play this game, slog through the first few missions until you unlock career mode.

3. The number of crabs you pull up in each pot don't seem random enough. I'm consistently pulling up 70-80 King Crabs with each pot after a 40-48 hour soak. Every time. I've never pulled up an empty pot. Ever. If you fish in the red survey areas, it seems like you will be on the crab without fail, everytime.

4. Bugs. In 3 seasons my boat has never consumed a single gallon of gas. Fuel consumption is completely broken on my game.

5. The game pace is SOOOOO SLOWWWWW.... Because the game is largely hands-off at times, it get can get very slow and boring at times. You're basically sitting there waiting for your crew to drop or pull pots. Pretty true to life, but it's going to lose all but the most committed crab fishing simmer.

6. The graphics would have looked nice if the game came out in 2000...


YAY: I just find it exceptionally cool, that they actually made a game based on Alaskan crab fishing. Despite everything, I'm actually liking this game. I just tend to have to be doing something else during the slower parts. Thank goodness for the Nintendo DS, dishwashing, or burning DVDs on a second PC... +1

GAY: Unfortunately there's so much a player has to look past to really appreciate this game. The people who will actually enjoy it, are most likely fans of the TV show with a lot of patience. They're probably also into other simulation games as well. -1


Final Badassian Scale Rating: -1 NOT SO GOOD

Spore: PC Review

Spore: PC Review

What I Liked:

1. Creating and evolving a creature from a simple organism into a complex one was a great idea.

2. The editors are good and give you a decent amount of options to create creatures, buildings and vehicles.

3. You can share your creations with other people and friends. ( I recommend just sharing with people you know, because seriously, why download a stranger's "Cockasaurus Rex, Titzilla, or Wangaroo" when you can download the ones your friend made instead?)

4. The game is cute enough that your wife/girlfriend/daughter/grandma might play it a couple times before getting bored.


What I Didn't Like:

1. The game is too cartoony and cute for my tastes. I would have liked to have been able to make an animal that was more realistic looking.

2. The Tribal and Civilization stages are nothing but crappy, dumbed-down real-time strategy games.

3. The Space stage totally sucks balls. There's often too much going on for your single spaceship to effectively handle at one time. The short range of your ship in the beginning is pretty annoying too... When I got to the space stage, I no longer wanted to play the game, and didn't feel much like replaying the game, since I knew where I would end up in the end.

4. Whoever designed the paint schemes for the editors needs to be fired. Then raped and executed. The paint schemes you can choose from are shockingly bad.

5. You can't seem to play as any of the creatures you created in the Creature Creator, you can only encounter them.

6. The creatures you create don't actually "evolve". You just get the option of choosing the parts you want, and selling the parts you don't want anymore. You get a final chance to design your creature when you go into Tribal stage, so basically whatever you've been playing the previous stages with, doesn't mean shit because you can completely change the entire creature. You can have a completely different creature throughout every stage. It's more like building with Legos than actual evolution.

7. The casual gamers this game seems to desperately want, will probably be turned off once they reach the space stage. There's too much going on, and the goals are less obvious.


YAY: You can create some pretty interesting looking creatures and vehicles, and share them with friends. +1

GAY: Unfortunately there's not much to do with those neat creatures and vehicles... A buddy and I were checking out each other's creations and having a laugh, and we agreed that it was a shame the game itself wasn't better. Seems a waste to spend so much time creating all that stuff, and then not being able to enjoy it in the game. -1


Final Badassian Scale Rating: -3 CRAPPY


Closing Statement:

Kids and some females may enjoy playing around with this for awhile, but adult gamers who've been gaming for years will be disappointed. Having said that, the PC game market has been so shitty for the last few years, that Spore is guaranteed to be on the best selling list for years to come. Along with the inevitable countless expansions it's sure to have.

Postal: Movie Review

Postal: Movie Review

What I Liked:

1. Has some genuinely funny moments.

2. The political incorrectness of it all is great.

3. There's a big gunfight where nobody gets shot except for little kids. Seriously, the greatest movie moment ever filmed.

4. If you played Postal 2, you'll find a lot of familiar characters, themes, and fan service.

5. Watching Uwe Boll make fun of himself was cool.


What I Didn't Like:

1. Could have included more actual game references.

2. Where the hell is Gary Coleman? Swap Mini-Me for Gary Coleman and you'd have a better and more relevant movie.

3. The Postal Dude isn't as much like the Postal Dude from the games. He looks the part, but certainly doesn't act it. He's lacking the attitude.

4. The movie is missing some of that special brand of humor that was pervasive throughout the Postal 2 game.


Final Badassian Scale Rating: +1 ALRIGHT

The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor Movie Review

The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor Movie Review

What I Liked:

1. The Asian chicks were hot.

2. The yetis were pretty cool. I want one.

3. The CGI effects were pretty good for the most part. On par with the previous Mummy movies.




What I Didn't Like:

1. I miss Rachel Weisz as Eva.

2. The jokes and humor come off as really lame.

3. The whole feel of the movie pales in comparison to the previous Mummy movies.

4. I struggled to remain interested in the movie, and really couldn't care much for what was happening onscreen.

5. The now grown up son is a shithead, and I felt he lacked the charisma he needed for that role.

6. The whole movie feels like they're just desperately milking the Mummy franchise for another paycheck.

FINAL BS RATING: -3 CRAPPY