The Time Traveler's Wife Review

The Time Traveler's Wife Review

The Good:

1. The concept was interesting. Actually it was a cool idea.

2. I liked the actors in the movies. Rachel McAdams, Eric Bana, Ron Livingston, enjoyed them all.


The Bad:

1. Holy shit the time travel mechanics will drive you insane if you think about them too hard. Shut your brain off and just watch the damn movie.

2. The story itself is actually quite MEH.


Final Badassian Scale rating: + 0 MEH (Equivalent of 5 out of 10)

Conclusion: Feels like it was all concept, little actual story. Basically just short snippets of a couple's life over time.

The Hurt Locker Movie Review

The Hurt Locker Review



The Good:

1. The characters and acting were all really good.

2. The lack of politics. Thankfully, this movie is practically devoid of all politics, which is absolutely fan-FUCKING-tastic. War movies tend to get bogged down with the political or propaganda aspects.

For example, World War 2 movies have degraded to the point where it is all about "saving the world from evil Nazis." Viet Nam war movies suffer from the "anti-war" messages they get burdened with as well. Previous Iraq war movies tended to focus heavily on whether or not it was "right" to have invaded Iraq. Not so here. This movie is solely focused on the soldiers themselves, and that is how I like my war movies.

3. Everything looks VERY realistic and believable. It's very easy to believe you are watching the actual war in Iraq, in the actual locations. It looks like a documentary. Even the actions of the local Iraqi people are very realistic and believable. Watch "Ross Kemp in Afghanistan" and pay attention to the Afghan locals. They look and act EXACTLY like the Iraqi locals in this movie.

4. I really liked the ending. The scene with James in the supermarket is absolutely spot-on. In an unspoken way, it evokes the message that the general public worries about which highly sugared cereal to buy this week, when in reality, it doesn't fucking matter. Military life in general changes your whole outlook on life, and your perception of what really matters to you. The ending of the film reflects this in a poignant way.

5. There were several really well done suspenseful scenes in The Hurt Locker. On top of the ever-present threat of the explosives detonating, you also had to worry about the people looking on. Which ones are insurgents? Is there a sniper waiting to shoot you or the explosives? Is that guy with the cell phone about to detonate the bomb? Seriously, you can see why these guys can be so high-strung and lose their nerve.


The Bad:
NOTHING! The 2nd movie in a row where I cannot find anything really bad with the film. Nothing.

YAY!: I was really impressed to learn that a woman had directed one of my favorite war movies ever. +1 for that.

Final BS Rating: +6 THAT'S HOT SHIT! (to quote the Colonel from the movie) This is actually off the chart of my scale. I think this is the first time something has ever gone higher than the existing scale.

The Hurt Locker was an absolutely fantastic war movie. Reading some other "professional" reviews, I noticed that the only people who were giving the film negative reviews, were the people who have a major bug up their ass about the real-life Iraq war. (and also people who just generally despise war movies)

If you're looking for a movie that points fingers and vilifies George W. Bush, this isn't it. Alternatively, if you're looking for a film that glorifies the war, or Bush, this isn't it either.

I see this as a soldier's movie. A soldier goes to war, and in the end it doesn't matter what political situation got him there. He's simply there, and has to do his job no matter what. Sometimes, it's only the job that really matters.

Up in the Air Movie Review

Up in the Air Review
Video review on Youtube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WOMsJ9g9NtQ

The Good:

1. The actors and acting were all really good. I especially liked George Clooney.

2. The concept was good. It was something I felt like I'd never really seen before.

3. Really liked the scenes where they were firing people.

The Bad:

NOTHING! I could not find anything that stuck out as being "bad" about this movie.

Final BS Rating: +3 HARDCORE

Now, labeling a movie such as this as "HARDCORE" is really strange, yes I know. My scale was designed with video games in mind. In this case you could replace "HARDCORE" with something more like "ENJOYABLE".

Up in the Air was one of those movies where it was hard to really say why it was good. It just was.

The Lovely Bones Movie Review

The Lovely Bones Movie Review (No Spoilers in this text version)
Video Review on Youtube: (Massive Spoilers) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nu2R0FaCMtQ

The Good:

1. Great acting

2. Stanley Tucci as the killer is FANTASTIC.

3. Some great looking scenes.


The Bad:

1. Ending was lame and VERY unsatisfying.

2. Some plot points are left unresolved.

3. Some plot points don't make much sense.

4. Love interest is PATHETIC.


GAY: Questionable plot and lame ending ruin the experience. -1

Final BS Rating: -2 SUCKS


With a slightly different script, this could have been a great movie. Oh well.

The Road (2009) Movie Review

The Road (2009)

The Good:

1. Interesting concept: The idea of a father and son trying to survive a post-apocalyptic world is an attention getter for me.

2. The scenes of devastation were good. Flattened forests, trashed towns, raging fires, dead seas... All of that looked good on film.


The Bad:

1. The sound seemed to be poorly mixed, or actors mumbled their lines in certain scenes. Several scenes throughout the movie, I just could not hear the actors well enough to properly understand them. This was particularly true with Viggo Mortensen and Charlize Theron.

2. Not a single scene from the film sticks out to me as being a favorite.

3. The reason for the apocalypse is unexplained. There's one dialogue where a character mentions that there were warnings, but people thought it was a con. That reminds me of the whole man-made global warming/climate change thing. However, there's no way global warming could have caused all of the destruction seen in the movie. (the Tunguska-like flattened forests stick out as one example)

Having no determined cause of the apocalypse feels like a cop-out, and is very disappointing. Even the worst zombie movies invent an excuse for having shambling corpses eating everybody.

4. I waited the whole movie for it to "get good" and it never did. Not that the movie was BAD, but it seemed pretty dull.

5. I did NOT need to see Viggo Mortensen's "flappysack". If you're unfamiliar with that term, imagine seeing a naked man from behind, and watching his balls bounce around under his ass... You can never unread that, by the way...

Final Badassian Scale Rating: -3 CRAPPY

In the end, The Road was a very disappointing movie for me. Perhaps I expected it to be something it was never meant to be. I just can't really recommend this film.

Postal: Movie Review

Postal: Movie Review

What I Liked:

1. Has some genuinely funny moments.

2. The political incorrectness of it all is great.

3. There's a big gunfight where nobody gets shot except for little kids. Seriously, the greatest movie moment ever filmed.

4. If you played Postal 2, you'll find a lot of familiar characters, themes, and fan service.

5. Watching Uwe Boll make fun of himself was cool.


What I Didn't Like:

1. Could have included more actual game references.

2. Where the hell is Gary Coleman? Swap Mini-Me for Gary Coleman and you'd have a better and more relevant movie.

3. The Postal Dude isn't as much like the Postal Dude from the games. He looks the part, but certainly doesn't act it. He's lacking the attitude.

4. The movie is missing some of that special brand of humor that was pervasive throughout the Postal 2 game.


Final Badassian Scale Rating: +1 ALRIGHT

The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor Movie Review

The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor Movie Review

What I Liked:

1. The Asian chicks were hot.

2. The yetis were pretty cool. I want one.

3. The CGI effects were pretty good for the most part. On par with the previous Mummy movies.




What I Didn't Like:

1. I miss Rachel Weisz as Eva.

2. The jokes and humor come off as really lame.

3. The whole feel of the movie pales in comparison to the previous Mummy movies.

4. I struggled to remain interested in the movie, and really couldn't care much for what was happening onscreen.

5. The now grown up son is a shithead, and I felt he lacked the charisma he needed for that role.

6. The whole movie feels like they're just desperately milking the Mummy franchise for another paycheck.

FINAL BS RATING: -3 CRAPPY

Cloverfield Movie Review

Cloverfield Review

What I Liked:

1. The idea of the whole movie being presented as shot through a home video camera is interesting.

2. Special effects of the city being destroyed are generally good.

3. Some evocative shots, like of the Statue of Liberty’s severed head, and the Sept. 11-esque shots of rolling debris clouds and crowds running.

What I Didn’t Like:

1. Hud constantly yelling “Rob!” is annoying as FUCK.

2. The creatures look so fake they aren’t even scary. The dinosaurs in Jurassic Park were scarier because they looked real.

3. An anti-tank rocket can blast through a heavily armored tank, but yet can’t even make the organic creature bleed.

Gay:

There’s a scene near the end where they don’t notice that a monster half the size of a skyscraper is standing right next to them until it’s too late.

Final BS Rating: -1 NOT SO GOOD

Iron Man Movie Review

Iron Man Review

What I Liked:

1. Fantastic special effects. There weren’t too many moments that looked fake enough to put you off.

2. Tony Stark is a refreshing change from some other recent super-heroes. (emo Peter Parker for example)

3. Gwyneth Paltrow is great as the assistant.

4. Has some clever combat moments.

5. There’s some neat gadgets, and Iron Man’s suit is cool.

What I Didn’t Like:

1. Iron Man having to fight another “Iron Man” seems like an uncreative cop-out. Just like how in the next Hulk movie, Hulk has to fight another “Hulk”.

2. The story feels very generic once it moves out of Afghanistan in the beginning.

3. We see so many scenes of Tony Stark learning how to operate his suit through trial and error, yet the man who operates the other Iron suit can operate it with precision on the first attempt. (same applies for Stark in the beginning while escaping from Afghanistan)

Yay or Gay: Nothing really stands out either way, beyond what’s already mentioned.

Final BS Rating: +2 PRETTY GOOD